Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it.
You are anointed. You are called by God to manifest His kingdom on this earth by restoring sight to the blind, binding up broken hearts, and delivering lost souls from torment. Yet you, at this moment, may be suffering from these very issues. We understand that every struggle you overcome is your ministry, but less commonly understood is that people who are chosen by God for ministry often have higher than usual sex drives. And people who are chosen by God have a deeper desire for giving and receiving love. And so, when we do not render ourselves to God’s will for our lives, we become bait for the enemy.
I’m bait on Friday nights. After a long week of work, I come home and wish someone shared my space. In years past, I’d welcome company, more bad than good. But in this season, I find myself perfectly content sitting at home on my sofa or bed, enjoying the peace that only a relationship with Christ can bring.
Since childhood, I’ve longed for a deep, satisfying love. I grew up with both parents and two younger siblings. But peace and love were lacking in our home. There was constant fighting, bickering, arguing, cussing. I could go on. The lack of love in my home caused me to seek it—where else but in the arms of young men!
At the age of twenty-two, I found myself pregnant, and the gentleman I was seeing wanted to marry me. With good intentions, we married in February of 2004. In April of the same year, my son was born. He was a strong baby who brought us joy and excitement. Eighteen months later, my daughter was born. I wept when I found out I was pregnant with her because by that time I was eager to end the marriage. But on she came, a happy and beautiful child. She was a comfort to me, and for the sake of my children and my salvation, I chose to divorce after five years of an unpleasant existence.
For the suffering of this time, while very small and swift, prepares us great glory without limits for the eternity of eternities.
—2 Corinthians 4:17
And there began my suffering. Yes, I’d suffered rejection as a child. I suffered emotional abuse and neglect. I was constantly abandoned by the very people who were supposed to protect me, but it wasn’t until I had begun the divorce proceedings that the real suffering began. It proved that my childhood heartbreak was preparation for this monumental test. Though I wanted desperately to live for the Lord, sin had a hold on me. And that’s where this testimony begins.
Before you delve into the depths of this book, you must understand that I have failed. Miserably. And through failure God has caused me to triumph. I’ve written by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and I pray that this book exceeds your expectations. I’m being terribly transparent and brutally honest about my shortcomings. I only ask that you do the same with yourself.
Whatever your status may be—never married, happily married now, married seeking divorce, soon-to-be married, wondering if it’ll ever happen for you, or hopefully waiting—consider this: you are already loved! We’ve sought love through dating, courting, and mating only to find ourselves disillusioned and disappointed with folks outside of the church, and then, with folks inside the church. The people who have hurt us (and those we’ve hurt) sit in the pews beside us, facilitate worship with their instruments and voices, and preach across the pulpits. Their personal lives may resemble anything but that of a Christ-follower, so we have no one to blame but ourselves. In our brokenness and desperation for love, we permitted the very thing that the enemy used to wreak havoc in our lives. Looking at the broken pieces, we might wonder how we’re still standing. Only by the grace of God.
I encourage you to read this book in small sections and to meditate on the Word that is presented. Take your time and allow the Holy Spirit to really guide you through this process. Hear ye Him!
I’ve written this book with one theme. That is, we must love and seek God first regardless of what we’ve already lost or may stand to lose in this life. He will restore it. Loving him and living out your purpose supersedes everything! There is nothing more important in this life than fulfilling your destiny through a relationship with Christ. As you take the walk, you will find every desire molded to your best interest and kingdom purpose.
Many plans are in a man’s mind,
but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.
So, while this book isn’t about how to find your proverbial Boaz or Ruth, or even how to go about dating, it is about redirecting your desire for love and companionship through your kingdom purpose and allowing change to take place in you so that when your mate shows up, you won’t blow it.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart.